“Anyone can become angry — that is easy. But to
be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the
right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way –
this is not easy.” Aristotle
Monday, 7:39 a.m.
Have you ever had an experience with another person when it felt like they totally got you? That they knew exactly what you were feeling, even before you did? Somehow they knew exactly what you needed, when you needed it?
How would you like to develop that type of rapport with someone automatically? What would relating to someone in that way do for you? What kind of opportunities would it create?
Would you feel more at ease in unfamiliar social situations? Would it grease the rails of promotion in your career? What about your relationships with your kids? Would it ease the tension in your house and create more harmony, because you are no longer yelling and arguing?
All of this is possible. It doesn’t require any fancy footwork or talking, fancy equipment or knowhow. In fact we all have what need to get started right now. All you need to do is this one thing. If you do it, and you don’t even if have to do it right, it will create miracles in your life.
Do you know what it is…? Would you like to know what is?
That’s right… LISTEN
Listening creates more opportunities than you could ever imagine. It calms more frenzy and lifts more spirits than anything you can say. LISTEN. Listen to yourself. Listen to others, and keep listening.
Listening is important because it is a compassionate act and is the foundation of what Deepak Chopra calls spontaneous right action.
Emotional responsive people respond and act appropriately in every and any situation because they actively listen to themselves and others at all times. They don’t need to think about how to act or what to say. It just happens, spontaneously.
Recall a time when it felt like someone or something was speaking for or through you. Remember how easy it seemed. You didn’t think about what to say or do, you just did it or said it, and it was spot on. That is spontaneous right action. That it is how it feels to be emotionally responsive. All you need to do is… LISTEN.
If you cultivate your listening skills, your WORLD will change.
Now most of us think we are good listeners, just as 95% of us think we are better than average drivers. To really listen and try to understand another person, means that we must redirect our focus from ourselves to the other person. We must listen to listen, not listen to respond. If you find yourself, as most of us do, thinking about what you are going to say when the other person’s mouth stops moving, then, you are not listening to listen, you are listening to respond. Your focus is on you.
When we actively listen, we respond spontaneously. When the opportunity presents itself, we speak, but often, it’s not even necessary. If a picture says a thousands words, so does listening — much more than anything you can say. When you listen, what you are telling the other person is that they are important, that what is going on with them matters to you. And don’t we all want to feel important? So learn to listen.
Listening also diffuses tension. It is like water, it is self-leveling. listening brings people down from their frenzy and lifts them up from their depression. Without saying a word you can completely turn a persons day around, from bad to good.
Here are four ways you can become a better listener:
- Ask questions. Stephen Covey says, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Ask questions to be sure you understand what the other person is trying to say. Summarize what they said and ask if you are understanding them correctly. If you’re confused, ask questions. A little clarification will go a long way to reducing conflicts due to misunderstanding.
- Forget about you and focus on the other person. When you do, you stop thinking about what you are going to say or how the person doesn’t know what he is talking about. You are listening to listen, not to respond. You are giving power to the speaker and they feel important because of it. So forget about you. It will be your turn soon enough.
- Pick your Time and Place. Whenever possible carefully pick the time and place for any important interaction. This will minimize distraction and help you be a better listener.
- When the opportunity presents itself, begin by briefly rephrasing what the other person said to be sure you are both on the same page. Then ask them a how, what or when question. “How would you like this to turn out? What do you think is the right thing to do? When would you like to start?”
Just because we hear the words another person speaks doesn’t mean we are listening. Emotional responsive people are control of themselves and how they interact with the world because they listen to themselves and all the people they come in contact with. Emotionally responsive people act spontaneously and rightly because they LISTEN. As a result they have more love, more success, more everything.
Emotional Responsiveness = Listening = Spontaneous Right Action = More Everything.
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