How To Get Along With Your Teen Without Raising Your Voice

Monday, 7:32 am
Boulder, CO
“How can I figure out how to be free to live my life the way I want to live and still get along well with the people I need?” – (William Glasser, Choice Theory)

Good morning…

Short post today (I promise).

It’s about a huge problem that has parents screaming for HELP….

…It goes something like this,

“My teen needs help, and I feel I’m running out of options. He continues to fail all classes, smokes pot, does not listen has no ambitions, will not open up with theropists will not take meds…..

…HELP!”

You want to know how to live your life and get along with your teen…

… And your teen for sure wants to know how to live her life and get along with you.

YES, you heard me… your teen NEEDS you!!

So, WHAT TO DO?

Here’s a story: Growing up my younger, and only brother, and I would help our dad collect firewood. Every weekend the three of us would head into the woods behind our house — now mind you this was 30 years ago when you could still find woods behind your house — to look for dead trees that could be cut down.

Our dad did not believe in power equipment so the only tools we had were a bow saw… it’s a saw that looks like a bow… and a wheel barrow that my brother and I pulled behind us. When our arms got tired we would switch sides.

Our dad would point out a dead tree, and my brother and I would get to work. We would kneel on opposite sides of the trunk of the tree. My brother would have one end of the bow saw, which by the way came up to mid-chest on my brother and me, and I would grab hold of the other end.

THEN, we began to saw through the trunk of the tree… Slowly at first until we found our rhythm… then we would pick up our speed. If either my brother or me pushed too hard or too fast the blade of the saw would bind up and we would have to start all over again. Going slow and smooth was actually faster than trying to go too fast. (As a side note this is a lesson I relearned later in life as an artillery man in the MARINES…

SLOW IS SMOOTH, AND SMOOTH IS FAST!!)

BUT, what was even more important was working as a TEAM. We had to work together, not against each other.

(Definition: (from wikipedia) a Team comprises a group of people linked in a common purpose. Such as sports team.)

In other words, we had to WORK IN UNISON…. that is we had to work together to cut down the tree.

To live your life the way you want…

… and still get along with the people you need…

… you must learn to think and work as a team …

… you must learn to work in unison.

All teams have different positions that serve different purposes. The different positions must work in unison to achieve a common goal — score a touchdown, make a goal, win a relay, solve a problem.

Your family is one of the teams you play for in life. Where you work or go to school is another team you play for. Your friends and your community are still other teams that you play for.

To solve the challenges we all face on daily basis — to get along with the people we need — we must see ourselves as players on the same team rather than as opponents. We must act together to achieve a common purpose.

The funny thing is…

… the counter-intuitive part of this whole thing…

… IS THIS — If you learn to get along and work with the people you need you will achieve the freedom to live your life the way you want.

Boulder Teen Mentoring helps teens and families learn to work and play together as a team.

For more information about our mentoring program or to set-up a FREE consultation Click Here. That’s right press Click Here.

REMEMBER… how you live your life is your choice. YOU can choose to fight against the people you need and build yourself a prison… OR you can choose to be a team player with the people you need and create the freedom you want. How will you choose to live? I’d love to hear… Seriously!

Yours Truly

Henry

P.S. Be sure to leave a comment. Tell me what you think. Do you agree with me or do you think I am full of…

P.S.S. For more information about our mentoring program or to set-up a FREE consultationClick Here. That’s right press Click Here.

P.S.S.  VENT!!! If your not sure you want to contact me, BUT would like to get your frustrations, anger, worry, HELPLESSNESS off your chest send me an email at vent@boulderteenmentoring.com or VENT!!! This is completely confidential and you will not receive an email from me other than and automatically generated email.

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  • Anonymous

    I love your blog! I would love to share on FB but my daughter is a “friend” and the heading clearly points out a perception I may have labeling her as a “troubled Teen”. I understand this sends a clear message to prospective clients or interested parents on your end but may be avoided by some for the same reasons I have given here. You sound like you are doing good work and I will continue to read your blog. I have forwarded the link for it to many friends and my husband.  Please keep up the thoughtful and meaningful dialogue. I, for one, appreciate it!

    • Anonymous

      Please see my reply to your other comment. I really appreciate you taking the time to write.

      All the best, Henry

  • Anonymous

    I would have liked to include you on FB however my daughter is a “friend” of mine and the leading message would have pegged her as a “troubled teen” on my FB page. This is something you might consider as I am certain others may feel the same reluctance to advertise they may be having issues with a child so publicly. I have sent links to your blog to my husband and many friends via e-mail. Though I have just stumbled upon your website and information today, it appears to me you are doing some amazing work. Please keep the insightful and meaningful information coming.  I, for one, appreciate it!

    • Anonymous

      Thanks so much for your comments. You bring up a good point about the heading and the perception of labeling or pegging teens as “troubled”. I agree completely with you that such labeling can be problematic for both parents and their teens. It is unfortunately also a catch-22 of the internet. The keywords parents use to search for help or information on the internet are the same one’s I need to use to let parents know I am out here. But they are the words that can negatively label teens. To help me better connect with parents in the future what were you searching for when you stumbled upon my website and blog? What were some of your search terms? An insight would be greatly appreciated. And if you haven’t already you can subscribe to my blog and every time I post a new post I will send you and email.
      Thanks so much for taking the time to express your thoughts.

      All the best, Henry